escaping mundanity & normalcy..

[Temperature rising.. 100°C]

had a heated arguement in the office with
my manager late in the afternoon.. was
quite stressed up due to work and some
personal problem lately.. yet his non-stop
barking for report boils my blood.. all hell
broke loose.. stood up from my chair.. walk
right up to him.. volume just increases
rapidly.. in the heat of moment.. I threw
the pen onto the desk between two of us..
pen rolled down the table.. whilst the pen
cap hit him.. he pick up the pen and put
back on the desk.. argument continue..
till I picked up the pen again.. this time..
I threw it onto my table.. almost hitting my
colleague.. and he walk out of the office..
did not appear again..

the two colleagues who witnessed the
whole argument were dumbfound.. they
thought I was possessed.. total silence..
till I went to the washroom to wash my
face.. not in the mood to talk much..
waited for the time to pass..

didn't really know what hit me.. it just
snapped and I'm there shouting like
nobody's business.. kind of intimitating..
was rather shocked myself..

I need a break.. a total break away from
that place.. both physically and mentally
drained..

TaKe CaRE!!

walkingtarts awake and ranted on 6/29/2005 09:45:00 PM

Sunday, June 26, 2005

[3 Doors Down - Here Without You]

life is just like a rollercoaster ride.. started
slow.. make a climb.. negotiate a bend.. had
a drop.. climb back up again.. all these just
keep repeating in random order..

in a matter of just one week from my last
posting.. so much had happened.. left me
inbalance for quite a while.. making the
whole week seems like months to me..

never felt so lost.. when my life almost
tumble onto my midget soul.. almost gave
up holding on.. really don't know what is
the real reason that keeps me on.. totally
exhausted.. how long can I hold on??

someone sent me this..

one of the hardest things in life is having words
in your heart that you can't utter..

well.. just as I thought how true this could
be.. I come out with this as I ponder on..

the next hardest things in life is having so many
words in my heart, yet no one to turn to..

this quite reflects my character.. not someone
who speak out often.. resulting in many lose
opportunities.. one that I yearn to change.. yet
so hard to make it true.. perhaps I should not
hesitate too much.. and fight for things that I
want in my life.. put away the thoughts of
people being hurt in the process.. can I make
myself to be so heartless??

despite dark clouds conquer the entire sky..
I will not relent to lose out without a fight..
to see the ray of light that I long for..

hmm.. seems like I'm writing all these stuffs
again.. can't help it.. just bear with me..

went to watch Initial D: The Movie at Tiong
Bahru Plaza last night with KST, Mei, Leo,
Suz, Wee and Adeline.. the drifting skills done
by the stunt drivers were impressive.. I think
Anthony Wong who play the role of Wen Tai..
Takumi's dad steal much of the movie for his
comical act.. the show won't be the same
without him.. although the whole script is kind
of differ from the original comic.. but trying to
bring the comic into a movie is already a very
huge effort.. quite worth the price of weekend
movie tickets to have a good laugh..

move on the Mount Faber for a drink before
going home.. discuss about the chalet on the
coming weekend.. and also the planning of a
short weekend trip to Kukup Island.. will not
be working on the coming Thursday.. wonder
where should I go?? without saying.. most
likely to be ended up at home the whole day..
what else? perhaps Swenson ice cream buffet?
hahahaha.. =D

if things are that bad in life.. the only way it
will go on.. is only better.. jia you!!

TaKe CaRE!!

walkingtarts awake and ranted on 6/26/2005 06:05:00 PM

Sunday, June 19, 2005

just got home no long ago.. went dinner
with my parent and sis.. had it at Suntec
City Crystal Jade Kitchen.. been to the
Crystal Jade La Mian Xiao Long Bao a lot
of times.. but this is the first time there..
as my brother is at Bangkok enjoying his
time with 2 of his female mates.. he missed
the meal.. but I'm pretty sure he won't
want to missed this trip rather than the
dinner.. hehehe.. =p

quite a hectic day.. begin at 10am.. went
down to Bugis to get some basic necessities..
rushed down to Bukit Gombak to collect
something for my cousin from a friend.. had
a drink before heading down to my cousin's
place.. rest at her place before meeting my
sis back in Bugis and then to Suntec to meet
my parents.. one full day of MRT excursion
along half the East - West Line.. tired..

a few events coming up in July.. really looking
forward to the month of July.. looks really
packed from now.. hopefully everything goes
smoothly as planned.. but most likely to give
my cousin's birthday celebration at Dbl O a
missed... still not in mood for clubbing.. got to
apologise to her for that.. hope she don't mind..
2 more weeks to go.. =D

simplicity makes the most happiness out of life..

TaKe CaRE!!

walkingtarts awake and ranted on 6/19/2005 09:41:00 PM

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

walkingtarts awake and ranted on 6/15/2005 10:47:00 PM

Sunday, June 12, 2005

haven't been updating here on a regular
basis lately.. late nights.. tiredness.. and
personal matters.. not forgetting the evil
of all causes.. my laziness.. hahaha.. =p

To: Colin & Peggy..
Congratulation! Stay Blissful & Loving Always!

attended their wedding yesterday.. my
first ever experience tagging along for
most of the ceremonial.. kind of fun.. a
different experience.. as the bridemaids
are from all over Asia.. mostly HongKong..
their fluent Cantonese.. really make me
hard to follow.. limited understanding of
this interesting language..

the dinner at Regent Hotel ballroom was
impressive.. 8 courses dinner.. 5 stars
services.. and a table of jokers.. guess we're
the only table that can go on talking and
laughing non-stop throughout the whole
dinner.. can't help it.. never meant to be
quiet when put together.. =D

went Suntec City to meet up with my
poly friends after the dinner.. the ongoing
of Great Singapore Sales.. crazy shoppers
rushing to curb their very own shopping
addiction in the Midnight Shopping event..
to see the crowd at such hour is so rare..
but not anymore.. not till this event is over..
another month to go..

each of them loaded with shopping bags
on their hands.. it's good to get something
that you will like during such sales.. but I
left with empty handed.. no idea what to
get for myself.. nothing seems to come into
my mind.. just walk around with them.. had
supper at Geylang before heading home..

recovered from my fever.. but throat still
kind of dry.. the itch is keep lingering.. but
least the fever is gone.. sick man tend to
think too much.. hahaha.. especially sick
and lonely man.. =p and worst of all.. after
attending a wedding.. guess nothing got to
beat that.. hahaha.. if I'm like Truman..
living in a world of playscripts.. I think that
the playwriter hates me to the core.. =D

this is my life.. uninteresting to others..
bored to others.. silly enough to be laugh
at.. but.. undoubtedly.. my very own
learning process in making.. =)

TaKe CaRE!!

I'm tired.. will you ever be there for me??

walkingtarts awake and ranted on 6/12/2005 03:36:00 PM

Saturday, June 11, 2005

suddenly felt a little silliness in me.. even the
simplest concern can be so amazing.. totally
get me over the moon.. how silly of me..

might have some good news coming up by the
end of this month.. while keeping my fingers
crossed on the bad.. =)

TaKe CaRE!!

sillily infatuated.. with you..

walkingtarts awake and ranted on 6/11/2005 03:33:00 PM

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

feeling a little feverish now.. but much better
than what it is earlier.. the weather nowadays
behave as erractic as the tyrant.. having
enduring for one freaking year.. I don't know
how much longer can I hold on to it.. if not for
some reasons.. and for this some reasons that
come.. really put me in a dilemma..

I think I should calm down a little.. kind of
letting my mind run wild.. leaving little space
for myself to breathe.. each step at a time..
a grip too tight.. will easily break what is
within.. too loose.. it'll just slipped away..

sometimes.. I really wish that I could simply
express myself easily.. but in each attempt..
I held back.. what really got into me??

TaKe CaRE!

walkingtarts awake and ranted on 6/08/2005 09:41:00 PM

Monday, June 06, 2005

[tub thumping.. and thumping..]

well.. feeling quite good of late.. it's wonderful
to feel these way.. hopefully this will last a
little longer.. I'm not greedy to ask for forever..
one just got to be complacent with what he
have.. and not what thinking of what is likely
to be missed.. just be simply happy.. =)

at the same time of this little joy appearing in
my life.. something crop up too.. it's quite an
irony that a friendship built over many years..
become so strained in weeks.. as a common
friend.. I really don't know what I can do.. hope
that this little conflict can be solved soon.. hate
to see this group of peoples going on separate
ways.. it's like a fine scratch that runs in deep..

was pretty tired yesterday.. but really happy..
looking forward to more similar chances again..

TaKe CaRE!!

walkingtarts awake and ranted on 6/06/2005 10:02:00 PM

Thursday, June 02, 2005

the ever familiar feeling creeps in..
excited.. nervous.. dumbstruck..

tiring evening last night.. travelling
to and fro.. nonetheless.. happy..

for how far this will go.. I don't
really know.. caught rathjer off
guard.. reciprocation is all that
i need.. will there be??

walkingtarts awake and ranted on 6/02/2005 07:08:00 PM