[tired..]
[sleepy..]
[had fun..]
[unhappy..]

lots of mood now.. conflicting mind of mine..
just got back home from Guo Yao's birthday
celebration.. his treat at Brekz.. while our's at
Party World Shenton Way.. so much of fun and
endless laughters with a bunch of jokers.. this is
a group of friends.. just like my group of buddies..
no matter how busy in life we are.. we still try to
squeeze out some time to meet up once in a while..
I'm really glad I have this two group of friends..

why am I unhappy? well.. firstly.. my sleep in the
morning was disrupted by a sudden raise of voice
out in the living room.. from my dad.. one of my
cousin infuriated him in a phone conversation..
which my dad think she didn't show a single bit of
respect for an elder..

this is a problem of a big family.. I have 3 uncles
and 6 aunties.. how often do I see them?? hmm..
I really can't give you an good answer.. some of
them.. I never even visited them for once during
Chinese New Year.. the most probable place where
I see them if only one of them or their family member
passed away.. what so good about a big family when
relation is this bad.. there are more to say about them..
but I think I will save this strength to do other thing
than to type them out..

the second thing that disturb me is.. death of another
relative.. in fact.. this relative is my godfather.. actually..
he is my eldest aunty's husband..

in most situation.. people in this type of relationship
should be quite closely knitted.. but for my case.. it
just turn out to be opposite.. there was never once I
knew of a visit by them since young.. the born of this
relationship tie with them is just probably for namesake..
if not for my dad who tell me about his death.. I had
already forgotten I got another such "family"

brand me as unfillial for not attending the wake tonight..
as you wish.. I don't feel a single shame or guilt.. after so
many years.. there were not a single contact.. even a simple
one.. I don't even know how they look like.. they never show
a single concern about me.. they were not even there when I
lost my hearing of my left ear.. they were not even there
I failed my O level.. honestly speaking.. I only find this relation
redundant.. yet.. I still have to make myself to attend the wake
for the next couple of days.. Wednesday will be the ceremonial..
doing all this just for the sake of my parents..

hmm.. write about other stuffs.. my driving test.. hahaha..
I manage to fail for the second time.. :p

I failed.. but I was not very sad.. in fact.. I really have to thank
the tester for giving me plenty of guides.. got to be more prepared
for the one on New Year Eve.. hahaha..

and.. I live up to my old nick again.. yeah.. MuDdLe.. for those
who still remember.. during those crazy days in mIRC.. hahaha..
for my muddleness.. I mistook Eve's friend for her sister.. because
they really look alike.. and it's been more than 2 years since we
last met.. ironically.. at the same place and same seat too.. hahaha..

ok lah.. tired liao.. writing this entry on such unearthly hour..
all because I feel that I might not have the time to do it later in
the afternoon or evening.. good night everyone..

TaKe CaRE!!



I've decided to let nature take it's own course..
but still.. some things are unable to erase away
from the heart easily.. blame my foolishness..


walkingtarts awake and ranted on 10/10/2004 03:56:00 AM