escaping mundanity & normalcy..

[Frustrating]

looking out from my window beside me..
not a single leaf on the trees outside is
swaying.. it's exactly the same as looking
on a photograph.. the only thing that is
keeping me sure that it's not a photograph,
is the movement of people at opposite block..

not that i can't stand heat.. i've been living in
a country where 35 DegC is consider normal..
ever try working in the blazing heat from the
Sun, when the temperature is more than
40 DegC.. the temperature right now is nothing..
it's the humidity!!!

it's was raining earlier.. and now.. looking out
again.. same picture!!! turning the electric fan
towards me doesn't help much.. my house got
no air conditioned.. find it an extravagant item
to add into my house.. considering the gross
income of my family.. with a handful of bills to
pay every month.. installing one will only add
burden to everyone of us.. besides, we really
don't see the need for it..

been thinking a lot lately.. racking my brains for
countless of lame questions for my colleagues..
thinking of job searching.. think about my past..
my present.. my future.. so much to think about..

i was wondering.. many people are complaining
that the economy is bad.. jobs are hard to find..
but, when i flipped the Classified section of the
Straits Time everyday.. it seems like there are
hundreds of vacancy available.. maybe my perspective
is not high.. i don't demand for high salary.. afterall, it
will be my first actual job.. perhaps the best stepping
stone in building a career.. even with the Diploma i'm
holding now.. my first job doesn't really need to be
Asst. Engr.. this is the highest possible position a
Dip. holder can get.. my first job will be more like
experimenting the working lifestyle of high speed
economy society.. rather than jumping into the
bandwagon of eager achievers.. setting their
fast and furious pace of work.. so that to make their
materialistic dream come true..

maybe i'm brought up in a family which do not focus
much on materialistic demands.. believing in what
you reap, is what u sowed.. that's why we are not
allowed to spurge our money on branded stuffs
from young.. but, as we grow up.. they no longer
had the strong control over us.. slowly, we steps
into the materialistic world.. somehow or another,
we will be affected by it.. i do spurge on branded
stuffs once in a while.. as long as i manage my
savings properly..

looking out again.. looks the same.. no movement..
how am i feeling now?? better, i guess.. perhaps
staying calm really makes a person cool.. at least
i'm less frustrated now.. except for the oily sensation
on my face now.. going to wash it after this..

hmm.. will i be able to gather enough courage to
speak up to...?
perhaps, the time is not right yet..
definitely not right yet.. i'm not rushing.. i will not
rush into it.. i will not.. :)

can't believe i took nearly an hour to complete today's
posting.. maybe i really think too much.. too hard..
hahaha.. ok lah.. going off to bed soon..
my friends... who ever you are..
TaKe CaRE!!

walkingtarts awake and ranted on 4/14/2004 11:10:00 PM

tHe heAt iS KiLLiNG mE..